Sleepless Nights
by Destiel-tined
Summary: This is an AU where Dean and Castiel live together, and Sam and Amelia have children together. Dean is missing something in his life, and realizes over the course of the story that he wants to adopt a child with Castiel


Dean didn't know why he couldn't sleep. He had been lying in bed listening to Castiel sleep for what had seemed like hours, waiting for sleep to come to him. Finally he gave up on his futile attempt at rest and crept out of the room, turning back at the door to glance at Cas sleeping. "Sleeping just like the angel he is" Dean thought to himself as he walked down the hall to his study. As he entered the room, Dean strode immediately to his desk and poured himself a drink. He then crossed to his chair and sank into with relief, lost in thought. He couldn't understand this insomnia that had been plaguing him for weeks. It wasn't that he was too rested to sleep; he walked around like a zombie during the day, functioning only on massive amounts of coffee. It was like there was something tugging at the edge of his mind, something he knew was bothering him, but he couldn't quite grasp it. The more he tried to grab the thought, the faster it seemed to slip away. He sighed, and set his empty cup on the side table. "It'll come to me eventually" he thought, and began to let his thoughts wander again. He sat in his chair for a while before he heard footsteps shuffling down the hall. He turned to see Cas leaning in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. "I saw the light on. Couldn't sleep again?" he asked Dean drowsily. "No, I had too much on my mind" Dean replied. "You've been losing a lot of sleep lately" Cas remarked as he crossed to the couch and sprawled his body across its length. "Is something bothering you?" "Yeah" Dean said. "I suppose so. I'm just not sure what." "Well, Sam is coming to visit tomorrow" Cas mentioned. "Maybe that's what you're worried about." "Could be" Dean agreed, knowing it wasn't true. Sam was coming to visit the next day, and he was bringing Amelia and their two boys. Dean was stoked to see them, and had been waiting for this day for months. "Anyways, it doesn't really matter. You should go back to sleep" Dean said, eyeing Cas as he gave a great yawn. "Alright, but only if you come with me" Cas responded. Dean nodded his agreement, and they left the room together, Cas shutting the light off as he closed the door. Back in the bedroom, they crawled under the covers and Cas snuggled close to Dean, closing his eyes and instantly falling asleep. Dean closed his too, but knew that it was no use; he was not going to get much sleep that night. Sam arrived late the next morning. As Dean had predicted, he was exhausted, and was in the process of downing his third cup of coffee when Sam rang the doorbell. Dean opened the door, and was immediately tackled by two small pairs of arms. He laughed as John and Bobby, Sam and Amelia's two sons clung to his legs. "It's nice to see you guys!" he exclaimed as he kissed Amelia on the cheek, and reached out to pull Sam into a hug. "Uncle Dean! Uncle Dean, look at us!" the boys cried, having detached themselves from Dean's legs. They were running around the living, jumping on and off every visible surface. "Boys! Cut that out. You know that's not acceptable behavior" Amelia reprimanded. She gave an exasperated sigh, and turned to Dean. "I'm so sorry for that." she apologized with a chagrined look on her face. "They seem to have decided that their new favorite game is destroying every piece of furniture anyone owns with their feet." "It's fine!" Dean replied with a grin. "I seem to remember Sam and me finding that game fairly amusing when we were children too." Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's nostalgia, but Amelia smiled at the thought of them running around together as children. Cas wandered into the living room as the boys streaked through the kitchen, yelling about pirates and sharks and sword fights. "I see the chaos has arrived." he remarked with a smile, reaching out to greet Sam and Amelia. "It's so great to see you guys. How long has it been?" "Too long." Sam replied, first shaking Cas's outstretched hand, and then pulling him in for a tight hug. The four of them moved into the kitchen making small talk about the weather and jobs and school, the shouts of the boys fading in and out in the background. "How have they been doing?" Dean asked Sam. "Oh, well enough." Sam replied. "They get into trouble every now and again, but what can you expect. They're young." "And what about you guys? Are you thinking of adopting a child?" Amelia inquired. As she spoke, Sam cringed and fidgeted in his seat. "Kids?" Dean thought. He and Cas had never even talked about children since they got together, let alone having a child together. In fact, he hadn't thought much about children since he had left Ben and Lisa. He glanced at Cas, and saw that he too wore an expression of bewilderment. Castiel could barely care for the potted plants he kept in the windows, let alone a small human being. Registering the confusion on their faces, Amelia tried to fix the situation. "Not to pressure you or anything." she said quickly. "You both just seem to love the boys so much, I thought it-" "Let's just drop it, Amelia." Sam interrupted. He smiled at them, but still looked a little concerned at their responses. The conversation shifted to the latest news, but Dean's head was far away; he was busy imagining the life he would have with Cas and their baby. They could bring it to the park, play games with it on their floors, and read books to it. It would have a normal childhood, and would receive all the attention Dean and Cas could possibly provide it with. Dean shook himself out of his daydream and sighed. He knew that it wasn't possible; there would always be something in the way of his perfect life. Even so, he felt that twinge at the edge of his mind, and began to understand what he was missing in his life. Later that day he felt the void in his life open up as he played with Bobby and John in the backyard. It was after lunch, and Sam and Amelia were lounging on the deck, watching Dean show the boys how to toss a football. "You put your fingers on these white stripes, pull your arm back, and throw the ball hard towards the other person." Dean instructed Bobby, showing him what to do with his hands. "Make me proud, kid!" Dean said, waiting for Bobby to release his grip on the football. Bobby did as he was told, and the ball flew right into John's outstretched hands. "Look! I did it!" Bobby cried, running over and throwing his arms around Dean's neck. "One day I'll be the best football player that ever lived, and then I'll make you'll proud." Bobby whispered into Dean's ear, before trotting over to Johnny to show him what to do. Dean's eyes began to water as he watched the two boys playing catch, and wondered if maybe he did want children one day after all. Late that evening, after they had said goodbye to Sam, Amelia, and the boy, Dean brought up the subject to Cas. "Cas," he said as they were getting ready for bed. "Have you ever thought about us raising a child together?" "What?" Cas replied, a murmur of shock in his voice. "Is this about what Amelia said earlier?" "Well she said it out loud, but I've been thinking about it for a while. I would love to raise a baby with you." Dean said, thinking about the void he felt pulsing in his soul. "I don't know, Dean." Cas said as they climbed into bed. "I don't know the first thing about children. We didn't deal with many of them in Heaven. And as for you, while I don't doubt that your intentions are good, I don't think you know much about parenting." "Yeah, you're right. I just thought it would be nice, that's all." Dean said as hid heart sank. He knew, of course, that Cas was right. They weren't fit to raise a child! His dreams had been silly; he had known that from the start. Cas was simply vocalizing the worries that had been floating around in his mind all day. As he reached to turn the light off, Cas grabbed his hand to stop him. He rolled over to see Cas's face close to his, his blue eyes wide and shining. "I was just explaining to you that it won't be easy having a child." Cas said with a smile playing around his lips. "I wasn't suggesting that we don't try." Dean took a moment to process this, before his face broke into a grin. "Are you sure?" he exclaimed. "Yes, Dean. I would love to raise a child with you." Cas responded, smiling gently. Dean laughed, and kissed Castiel softly on the lips. "This is the happiest night of my life!" he proclaimed, kissing Cas once more. Then he turned off the light and laid his arm over Cas's side, closing his eyes. He could feel the emptiness in his soul beginning to fill, and knew that he was going to sleep well that night.


End file.
